Life · Uncategorized

Distance.

I’m so fucking sad. My heart physically hurts. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

My husband is planning on moving out on the fist of the month, maybe before if the new place is ready. He said he is excited to move because of the location “not because it’s leaving you” Honestly, I have my doubts. I feel like he has already “checked out” per say.

The past week has been so hard. He has been working extra hours, so he has been gone before I wake up and hasn’t been coming home until 6 or 7pm. He calls once or twice during the day to check in. I feel like those 1 or 2 quick conversations makes it even harder. Sometimes it hurts to hear his voice. His voice, that same voice that has comforted me for the past 10 years. The voice that has supported me through every single situation, that has made me smile and told me I can do anything I put my mind to. The voice that has said “I love you” before hanging up the phone, for every single conversation for the past 10 years. As soon as he gets home he shuts himself in the office and just stays there.

He said that while he is living someplace else we can still see each other and maybe he will stay here once in a while, and I could stay there once in a while. We can take the time to do things together and even go on dates. But I feel like, it’s been 2 weeks we’ve been talking about this and there has been no effort made to change anything, except for him finding a new place to live. He’s planning on putting in all of this effort when he doesn’t live here, but in the meantime, I feel like he is creating as much distance as he can.

I know we are in an awkward situation, but I just feel like he doesn’t want to be here. I feel like he’s working extra hours because he doesn’t want to be home.

I hate feeling like I’m constantly on edge with him. I don’t know what to say.

I’m trying so hard to stay positive, but part of me feels like him moving away, is just going to make it easier for him to find distance.

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8 thoughts on “Distance.

  1. Your posts have been so honestly raw and filled with emotion that I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I truly admire the courage you have demonstrated to put out there what it is you are going through. No woman ever wants to be in the position that you have found yourself in, but sadly, and I think it’s fair to say ,that many of us (myself included) can identify with various components the fragmented relationship between you and your husband. Whether its the long work hours, the lack of family involvement, or taking a backseat to other interests/technology….I have many friends who feel disconnected from, and in essence abandoned by their partners. Its a very lonely place to be in when you feel as if you’ve lost your best friend and, no matter how hard you to try to put the pieces back together, your efforts are not equally returned. Please keep posting as there is such poignancy to your story and I am hoping that for you it’s an outlet to channel your emotions and find within yourself a strength that you might not have realized that you possessed. Do for yourself and for your children because ultimately no matter what the efforts you put forth for your marriage, if they are not met in return you cannot change the other person – a sad fact that comes only through experience. I will continue to keep you in my prayers….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I cannot express how much I appreciate your support. This is a place I never thought I would see myself in. Quite frankly, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if I’m handling the situation correctly or if I’m making things worse. But being able to come here and vent and just get all my frustrations, concerns and fears off my chest, has been rather therapeutic. I’ve confided some things in close friends, but I can’t help but feel like, if by chance things would work out with us, I don’t want them to carry any of the negativity with themselves. Thank you for listening 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m going through a similar situation. From my experience, once the separation begins, the distance keeps growing. Even if the physical distance isn’t far, the emotional distance seems light years away.

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  3. Your honesty is truly touching and I can only imagine how much strength it took to type your heart out and publish it. I hope you have a good support system to get you through this difficult time. Hugs!

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  4. I’ve just caught up on your latest blog posts, so sorry to hear about the trouble you and your husband are having 😦 your posts are so honest and your so brave having made the decision to do something about your relationship rather than carry on unhappy. I really hope things work out for you and your family xx

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