Grow me a garden.

We are attempting to plant a vegetable garden again this year, for the 3rd year in a row.

One thing I will tell you about myself is that I can kill any type of plant. Seriously, any type of plant. I’ve gone through 13 spider plants in the last 8 years. We also currently have a dead 6ft cactus in our dining room. These things can survive in the wild dessert for however long without rain and i can’t keep it alive for 2 years. The Lord only knows how many innocent plants have suffered at my hand. I don’t know why, I just have a hard time keeping them alive. Thank God my kids are still hanging on!

Year 1 of our garden was fairly successful. We started late in the season and planted way too much in our small garden area. We had 8 veggies planted and only 2 made it, cucumbers and lettuce. The cucumbers took over the garden and choked out 4 of others, there were vines everywhere. 2 veggies never even sprouted.

Year 2. Oh, year 2. We started early and spent a stupid amount of money. We got organic potting soil, organic, non-gmo seeds and individual little potting sack holder things. I was determined to be successful. We had an entire section of our dining room turned into a makeshift greenhouse until it was time to transplant outside. It was amazing. I was attentive and careful with the 58 seedlings that sprouted. I was meticulous with a schedule to guarantee a great garden. I was so proud of myself, not only were they alive, but they were thriving.

It started to get warmer out, so we tidied up the yard and figured out where everything was going to go. THE NEXT DAY my husband brought all our veggies outside and set them in random high up places throughout our yard (so our dog and random animals could get to them before they were planted and fenced off.) Mind you it was maybe mid 40’s outside. I told him it was too cold and they needed to come back in. I appreciated his help, but it was too early and I didn’t want them to die after the crazy amount of work I (Me and me alone) did to keep those fuckers alive. He said he would bring them after he ran his errands. I had a few things planned that day and didn’t get home until late. When I woke up in the morning I went straight outside for my first cigarette of the day (obviously, back when I still smoked) And guess what I saw? Take a wild guess? All my little seedlings were strewn about the yard. We had a HUGE storm overnight. Wind and rain. It blew them everywhere. The past 2 months work was all ruined. Not gonna lie, I cried. I never expected to get so angry over vegetables. I worked so hard and I was so proud of myself and it was just gone.

I was so upset I didn’t even start over. I didn’t try to plant anything new. I was bitter and I thought to myself ” I tried to do us all a favor by planting our own garden. We would save so much money on veggies, and now it’s gone. So tuff luck guy, I’m just going to go and spend YOUR money on all our veggies this whole summer, all because you didn’t bring the damn plants inside out house,  That will teach him a lesson.” I know, I’m such a conniving “B”.

So here we are on year 3.  I got my soil and my seeds. And guess what? My husband isn’t allowed to touch anything. Tonight my daughter and I (My son helped with the tomatoes) planted a smorgasbord of items. We have 2 types of tomatoes, snap peas, green beans, green leaf lettuce, cucumbers, zucchini, hot peppers, broccoli, carrots, dill, oregano, parsley, basil, opal basil, summer savory, broccoli sprouts and alfalfa sprouts. We also changed things up this year and we started the seeds in ice cream cones! They claim you can start the seed and when it’s time to plant outside you can just pop the cone in the ground. I’m not sure how to keep it from getting soggy when it’s watered, but I will keep you updated.

Do you have any gardening tips or tricks? I would love to hear them!




2 thoughts on “Grow me a garden.

  1. Funny and sad, sorry things didn’t work out yet, but it’s great you’re giving it a go this year. I can’t offer much help as we live at high altitude and our grow season is maybe four months long. I just know after having a raised bed in the community garden for the past two years, whenever we’ve transplanted seedlings, they never grow as well as when I just planted the seeds directly into the bed. But I think if you transplant mature plants, they should fare better. Hope it works out!


    1. Thank you! We’ve got a few things going on with the seeds I’ve already started and i’m nervous I might need to re-start them. Some mushrooms are popping up in my lettuce pot, and I’ve read conflicting reports online about it. I’m just not sure what to do!


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